Someone made a Shia LaBeouf stat block inspired by Rob Cantor’s song

Picture this:

“You’re walking in the woods.

There’s no one around and your phone is dead.

Out of the corner of your eye, you spot him…

Shia LaBeouf.”

No, this isn’t some fever dream; it’s actually the opening lyric’s to Rob Cantor’s Shia LaBeouf, a 2014 musical performance that combines interpretive dancing, multiple choruses, a full band, and a harrowing tale of Holes actor Shia LaBeouf hunting you down and attempting to eat you.

We’re not kidding.

If you haven’t been one of the over 72 million views on this YouTube video, you’re in for a treat:

….Now wasn’t that something?

Well, if you’re hoping to capture the thrilling, bloody, and terrifying scenario that is fighting this monster of a man in your D&D campaign — or even in a one-shot for some friend who have seen the video — you’re in luck, because the good folks over at Winghorn Press have converted Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf into a CR 5 D&D monster.

R.M. Jansen-Parkes posted the Shia 2.0 stat block on March 14, 2016, and it includes some of his deadliest moves.

Your players will be dodging his ax, parrying his knife, and avoiding being literally eaten by the now-34-year-old Even Stevens actor.

According to the monsters description: “Songs tell of a creature tat lives deep in the dark woods, spending its nights ‘killing for sport’ and ‘eating all the bodies.’

Even death itself holds no fear for the Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf, as he is feared for his ability to shrug off wound that would leave a mortal man dead and resume his attack only minutes later.”

Add the stat block into a plot hook with some missing teens and maybe some wary wolves who are terrified of going near the cabin on the other side of the river, and you’ve got the makings of a horror one-shot to make your players’ skin crawl.

Good luck!

shia
Shia LaBeouf stat block (Winghorn Press)

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