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What kind of a Dungeons and Dragons blog would this be without an incredibly bias ranking of 5e classes?
There may be some structured way of objectively ranking the classes based on utility, damage per round, or popularity, but that amount of math is not what we’re about here at The D&D Dispatch…
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Instead, we’ll rank the original Player’s Handbook classes based on some far more important values: Their overall vibe, RP potential, and fun factor — because isn’t that what D&D is really all about?
(In my eyes, obviously yes. In others’, probably no.)
13. Warlock
Coming in at dead last is everyone’s favourite Eldritch Blaster, the Warlock. While I do appreciate that every single spell they do is jacked up to its highest possible level, these magic-users can be a serious buzzkill for a party.
If you want to take a short rest after every. single. encounter. and then force the rest of the party into taking a 30 minute break while the Warlock gets special, super secret one-on-one RP time with the DM/their patron, the Warlock is your pick — just make it quick for the love of the Gods.
12. Ranger
The poor, poor Ranger. While WotC have released an updated Ranger because they and everyone else knew that the OG was the most underpowered class in the whole damn book, even that couldn’t shake the stigma from the class.
As far as RP goes, the Ranger is actually pretty damn cool, bringing to mind a rugged Strider out in the wilderness… but away from their favoured terrain, the Ranger seems kind of like a fish out of water.
Plus, the nature-loving Lorax of the group is usually the Druid, who can literally turn into bears, so prepare to continuously be one-upped on the man-of-the-woods front.
11. Rogue
These crafty little bastards are awesome to play, especially when you get to roll a fistful of d6s, but their constant game of hit and hide can get a little weary for both parties and DMs alike.
Not to mention that their cliché vibe is that of someone you wouldn’t really want to hang around with for drinks “what do you mean, you pickpocket everyone?” and they can become a serious liability if they ever get caught, figuratively or literally.
10. Barbarian
Unless you’ve got a creative player in control, Barbarians can be a little dull to RP with. Usually played as big, and dumb, and with some northern European accent, these guys are great to have around in a fight, but don’t offer much else, otherwise.
9. Fighter
Much like the Barbarian, the Fighter is a little bland and a little boring, especially outside of combat. Don’t get me wrong, the fighter makes an amazing entry point into the hobby, but vanilla just doesn’t taste quite as good after trying a few other flavors, if you catch my drift.
8. Monk
These physics-defying, Matrix-level martial artists are hell for DMs that want to keep combat maps to a manageable size. They’re the glass cannons of the martial classes, and like Rogues, are shit out of luck if they’re ever snagged.
I do admire the gusto of someone willing to pick a Monk, though, and I have no idea why.
7. Bard
Somewhere down the line the music-loving Jack of all Trades became the party horndog and things have never been the same since.
That’s literally all I have to say about that.
6. Cleric
Praise be the zealot who chooses Cleric over Paladin, electing to heal rather than hurt more often than not. A fun class to play both for spell access and religious RP purposes, but less good vibes if you’ve got a Rogue spamming “I need healing” all fight long.
5. Artificer
The new kid on the block, the Artificer’s whole MO revolves around one of the most fun things about D&D; Magic Freaking Items.
Craft your own or make others even better, the entire party will be outfitted to the nines and your DM will be cranking that difficulty encounter higher than they thought possible, all because a crafty little Artificer decided to go adventuring.
Having one of these in the party makes the game more fun for everyone, but there’s also a hollow glory to buffing others who may then outshine you with those very items.
4. Paladin
A half-caster with a heart of gold, the Paladin truly is the best of both worlds. With the ability to deliver SMITE damage that would make a Barbarian jealous, as well as a handful of utility spells that can be used in and out of combat, Paladins are a perfect pick if you have a hard time making choices.
Plus, the allure of RPing against those immoral Rogues and devilish Warlocks can add some serious spice to party dynamics.
3. Wizard
The classic. The OG. The class that will absolutely mess your shit up if used by a player with any forethought, and with the ability to mess the world’s shit up if harnessed by a Magnus Carlson-level schemer.
With what, like two dozen potential subclasses to choose from, and access to more spells than any other class, the Wizards obviously had to land high on the list, and not just because I’m a Harry Potter stan.
2. Druid
These guys can summon a Dire Wolf pack and then join as one of them.
Capable of full casting as well as the choice to become a jacked up polar bear and meat-shielding on the front line alongside the Barbarian, the Druid takes the Paladin’s flexibility and the Ranger’s love of nature to the extreme.
As for RP, having to act out what your wild-shaped animal is trying to say, charades style, never fails to get a laugh.
1. Sorcerer
The Sorcerer is like the Wizard’s cool, lazy friend who never has to study. Either embedded with dragon blood magic or a wild magic-wielder that can erupt into a Fireball at any moment, the Sorcerer embodies an element that epitomizes D&D as a whole; playing around with terrifying power that could very well implode, but damn will it ever be interesting if it does.
Also Sorcery points just make the coolest thing about D&D (the spells) that much more fun.
Don’t @ me. Or do. I wouldn’t mind the engagement.
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